A year and a half without drinking alcohol

Feb 16, 2024

Today marks 18 months since I quit drinking alcohol after a lifetime of problematic consumption. I bring you a recount of sensations over this year and a half, the good, the bad, and the weird. It's worth clarifying that the balance is entirely positive, and it's by far the best decision I've made in my life, one I intend to keep until I wear the wooden pajamas. I'll try to focus on the creative/entrepreneurial/self-managed aspect of the matter, but no promises. Ah, this is, as you can imagine, a complicated topic, so here's a trigger warning if it's sensitive for you. Finally, a disclaimer: whenever I say "I couldn't do X and now I can," it's entirely subjective. I don't deny that it's possible to do while consuming alcohol, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't do it at the rate I was drinking.

I'm finishing up this post at 10 p.m. on the day it's supposed to be published because I was unsure until the last moment whether to accompany it with photos that align with the article's theme or to include something completely unrelated. Ultimately, I opted for the latter, knowing that the material I have deserves curation and editing to highlight it, and it's not worth "burning out" just like that. It won't be the last time I talk about this topic, so there will be plenty of opportunities to work on and showcase all that work. So, in haste, I'm drawing on my desire to go on vacation (which fortunately is happening very soon) and pulling out photos from a trip to Mar del Plata in 2018, some of which have been posted on social media and others not. It's not procrastination, it's just being selective (?). The post will end up being long, so if you received it by email, you'll likely have to click the "Continue reading" button or something similar at the end and head to the site because it didn't all fit in one email... My bad.

To start off, as always, some tunes. Today, I'm sharing a full concert by The Main Squeeze that I love, the video quality might be a bit rough but the sound is great, and the Spotify playlist featuring full albums recommended by others and ones I stumbled upon during the past fortnight.

First, some good news if you're going through a similar situation: The difficulty decreases significantly over time. While quitting a deeply ingrained addiction is one of the toughest things one can attempt in life, once you overcome the physical withdrawal and your body starts feeling better, once you redefine the places and rituals that were "contaminated" by consumption, once the benefits become reality and not just someone else's anecdote, everything becomes a bit less complex to sustain. It's never easy, and it never will be, but those first hellish weeks are behind you. I still salivate when I hear a can pop open with foam on a summer afternoon, and I'll probably do so for the rest of my life, but it's not that bad.

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I managed to consistently wake up at a reasonable hour. Mornings are still a struggle for me, and I still enjoy staying up late working, chatting, playing games, or just doing nothing. But I've stabilized my wake-up time and don't suffer horribly every time I have to wake up early for a commitment. I also sleep better: Although it's an area where I still need to improve, and I still wake up multiple times during the night, I manage to get 7-9 hours of sleep and wake up fairly rested.

I have consistency in... things. It sounds generic, but it's true. Projects that are sustained over time, habits that were once impossible for me and are now an integral part of my routine, etc. I've started countless projects that couldn't get out of my head, and now they either have tangible results or are in progress. I'm much more daring, less fearful: If I could handle this, I can handle anything. And this applies to all aspects of my life. At first, I thought it was the "pink cloud," which is an effect of extreme positivity that often occurs in the first few months of sobriety (you can Google it, it's very interesting), but no, it's still there.

I managed to lose weight without giving up the foods I love. In fact, I'm writing this while indulging in a sandwich loaded with raw meat and cheese without worrying about the consequences. Overweight was a constant in my life since I started drinking alcohol in my teens, and no matter how much I walked or ate less (truth is, I've always eaten quite well, with exceptions like this sandwich), I couldn't lose it. In a year without drinking and being consistent with my walks, I'm just a step away from my ideal weight - something I hadn't achieved since my teenage years - without sacrificing food.

I started running. I've already written a whole article about it, but I didn't mention that I started four months after quitting drinking, and by seven months, I was running 10km for the first time. Today, I ran that distance for the third time and managed to do it in less than an hour, which I had never been able to do before. It's a nice reward I gave myself for the year and a half.

As the main problem in my life clearly dissipated, all the other issues lurking behind the fog emerged (financial problems at the forefront). It's tough to see all the pending tasks and neglected situations you have to deal with, but at least now you see them clearly and can plan. This, which may seem like a downside, was part of what I was seeking: removing the tree that was blocking my view of the forest. You can't start solving problems when you have one constantly bothering you.

My memory is slowly recovering (not the ability to remember things from another era, but short-term memory), which has always been one of my biggest flaws. My mental speed is another thing. I feel better in all aspects of "mental performance". I solve situations of all kinds more effectively, more efficiently, and fundamentally more faithful to my values.

My volume of personal photos has decreased significantly in recent months (apart from work-related ones), and this is because I feel really good, so I try not to force it and instead put time and energy into other aspects of the creative process. I've already talked about the emotional ups and downs and how to take advantage of the different mental states for what we excel at in each moment. I'll leave the article here in case you haven't read it 😃.

I miss the variety of flavors that drinks like wine and whiskey provided, where each bottle was a new world to explore. I'm very sensory-oriented, I have a keen sense of smell, and I enjoy it. The only remotely similar thing I found was the world of tea and infusions, but it still has a long way to go to fulfill that need for me. I know there are universes like cheese and chocolate that offer that variety of flavors, but the idea is not to go bankrupt or lose control of my weight again xD.

I allow myself to question all the decisions and stances I've had and continue to have in life, knowing that they were all influenced by alcohol consumption, to understand where I stand on these matters with this new perspective. From my job, where I live, how and with whom I emotionally and romantically connect with people, to what I aim to be doing in a few years, and the reasons behind all of these things, among many others.

I stopped hanging out aimlessly in places just to drink (the famous phrase "nothing good happens after 3am"), and even stopped going to places and gatherings where the only excuse in my head was consumption. I see who I want, when I want, how I want, and where I want. It seems obvious, but it's not. I won't say I became a hermit because I kind of already was. My relationships healed quite a bit. The vast majority of my friends embraced this new version of myself with joy and accompanied me through the process, leading to much more open and honest relationships. There are some exceptions where people may not understand this new version of yourself and the resulting worldview, and it's time and willingness to sustain those relationships that decide where things go. Also, it must be said, sometimes I feel excluded in social environments for not consuming, in those cases I decide whether I want to stay despite the discomfort or leave.

Lastly... I realize when someone has an addiction problem (and not necessarily to alcohol; addictive dynamics are independent of the substance or behavior in question), although I still don't know what to do about it. Socrates, Freud, and I (?) have known for a long time that presenting reality to someone directly only generates rejection, and you have to get the person to reason and come to conclusions on their own. So, if you think you have problems with alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous has a 12-question questionnaire to give you an idea (I never interacted with them beyond this test, and in fact, I feel like the one I did was longer and more useful, but oh well). If you already know you have problems but don't know where to start, the Soberish blog helped me a lot, and maybe it will help you too.

Thank you for reading, hope you got something useful!

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